According to award-winning sex educator and coach Ashley Manta, in Playboy, “hand jobs are underrated for two main reasons: lack of enthusiasm and lousy PR. People with penises believe that no one could ever give them a better hand job than the one they give themselves. This may be the biggest sexual misconception ever. A good erotic massage therapist can definitely get you off better than you do.
Of course, there are plenty of different types of sexual and erotic massages out there, including happy ending massages or orgasmic massages, which are designed to give you an orgasm, as well as yoni massage, a Tantric massage aimed at relieving tension and developing feeling inside the vulva.
Lingam massages, however, specially designed for people with penises, are perhaps unfairly overlooked. Incorporating massage into your sex life can be a great way to explore your own and your partner’s body, as well as opening yourself up to a whole range of new feelings and sensations.
People love hand jobs for many reasons, but the primary one is that they’re so versatile. There are so many things you can do with your hands! “The possibilities are limited only by your imagination,” says Ashley Manta, “and you can use countless positions.”
Manta talks about the reclining diamond, in which the receiver lies on their back and the giver sits between the receiver’s legs, with the giver’s legs underneath the receiver’s legs. This allows the giver to use both hands—a crucial upgrade to the traditional single-handed hand job with the other arm being used to prop up their body. From your vantage point between the receiver’s legs, you’re able to watch their facial expression and the way their chest rises and falls, and get real-time feedback on how they’re enjoying your techniques. It also makes it easier to access the balls and perineum, which are two hot spots largely ignored during more conventional hand jobs.
A hand job really is just a genital and pelvic massage. In addition to giving pleasure, it can also be intensely relaxing for the receiver, especially if you incorporate the inner thighs, hips and pubic mound into your massage. We hold so much tension in our pelvic region, and this is a great way to unwind some of that stress.
Lingam massages, however, can also make it possible for men and people with penises to experience multiple orgasms, something which is misleadingly thought to only be experienced by women and people with vaginas.
A lingam massage involves not just massaging the lingam (the penis) but also the testicles, perineum (the sensitive patch of skin between the anus and the scrotum) and the prostate (thought of as the ‘sacred spot’).
‘Lingam’ is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates as ‘wand of light. According to Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney. “The aim is to not just to have one orgasm but several. It is about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will turn into waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage.”
Technique, they say is everything. Sex guru Ashley Manta explains. “I like to begin by thoroughly lubing my hands and running them up their inner thighs, moving into a diamond shape with my thumbs behind the balls and my pointer fingers resting on the pubic mound. Then, with my dominant hand, I wrap my fingers around the shaft and squeeze to the top, thoroughly lubricating the entire area. Don’t be afraid to use pressure; it feels fantastic!”